Some movies reveal who they are at the first viewing. A film like TRANSFORMERS is obviously horrible from the beginning, and makes few attempts to mask its stupidity and pointlessness. An example of a good film like this might be THERE WILL BE BLOOD, which succeeds fully despite obvious flaws at the end.
Some great films improve over time. CHILDREN OF MEN and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN are two films that I have revisited multiple times, and have shown me new facets that I wasn’t able to appreciate in the first viewing. A recent film like this is my favorite movie of last year, THE WRESTLER.
But there are some films that entertain you just enough to get you through the initial screening. Afterwards, you’re left with a disquieting aftertaste that slowly seeps into your consciousness, causing anger and shame over the fact that you’ve been had.
My first encounter with this aftertaste happened the first time I saw RETURN OF THE JEDI. Having loved STAR WARS and THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, I was pumped to explore the dark secrets of the final chapter. Instead, I was confronted by rubber puppets, unblinking Ewoks with zippers running up the back of the costumes, and a sonambulistic Harrison Ford lifelessly droning his lines. It kept me entertained while I watched it, but after a while, my mildly pleasant feeling turned to a hatred that has continued until today.
Many films fall into this category. The simple truth is that the moviegoing experience is enjoyable, so it’s easy for a film to sneak past critical eyes even when it isn’t particularly good. I enjoyed the first X-MEN movie for the most part, but after the passage of some time, I began to dislike it.
When I first saw the completed cut of WOLVERINE the other day, I thought it was mildly enjoyable and diverting. It’s a comic book adaptation about a mutant guy with claws – it’s not trying to be CITIZEN KANE or anything. But in the days following the screening, that disquieting aftertaste returned to me.
————— SPOILERS ——————-
Several disturbing questions wafted into my mind like the last fart from a cadaver.
1. Why did Stryker spend “half a billion dollars making him indestructible” if, in the very next scene, he suddenly wants to kill him?
2. Why would Stryker dispatch Agent Zero to kill Wolverine, yet not give him the adamatium gun that is sitting on his desk?
3. Why did Wolverine walk away from Stryker in the lab without “gutting” him, which was his stated purpose at the beginning of the scene?
4. How did Wolverine get his jacket back from the Island? His brain had been blown out, and he wasn’t wearing it when he was shot. So how did he remember it when he left?
5. Why is Cyclops in this movie? He obviously would have known something about a guy with claws rescuing all of them from the Island, yet in the later movies he knows nothing at all about him.
6. If Wolverine’s girlfriend has powers of persuasion, why doesn’t she use those powers to stop Stryker in the first place and save her sister? Or when she’s lying on the ground dying, why doesn’t she convince Stryker to pick her up and take her to the lab to save her life??
7. Why did Sabretooth feel the need to kill his only blood relative??? And then he changes his mind for no apparent reason at the end. Why??
8. Why is this screenplay so episodic and idiotic? Plot points exist only to cram mutant encounters into it, like the clumsy segues into The Blob and Gambit scenes.
9. Why does almost every mutant battle in this movie begin with two combatants running at each other? It might be marginally exciting the first time; after ten times, it becomes a joke.
10. Why does a movie that cost $140 million dollars have special effects that look like they were made on an Apple 2E in 1983? The Gambit/ladder special effect is now my nominee for worst special effect of this decade. Prove me wrong.
———– End Spoilers —————
I left the WOLVERINE screening mildly entertained. I realized it had faults, obviously, but it packed enough action to distract me from its flaws. But that disquieting aftertaste is rarely wrong. This movie is an abomination, and hopefully the worst film of this summer.
18 Comments
Yep. Plenty of questions that probably won’t be answered.
I saw the video game opening and thought it was the film we should’ve gotten…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdwcU9nEgXE
I’m pretty sure the game’s better than the film. Might be the best video game based on a film. I’ll have to check it out.
The only thing I could figure out about cyclops was he was blind folded the whole time minus the part where he took care of the guards and since no one said the guy with claws is saving us he wouldn’t have a clue as to who is saving him. Why make him indestructable if deadpool (weapon 11) was the main project anyways? But it was entertaining to see what they could do with it. Whether or not they make a sequel taking him to japan I personally feel it is a little overkill and Xmen Origins: Magneto is a little much as well… can’t really have a whole movie about the concentration camps and how he tore out of them.
1. Why did Stryker spend “half a billion dollars making him indestructible” if, in the very next scene, he suddenly wants to kill him?
Well that’s easy…he was going to erase his memory but he woke up and went on a rampage…so Stryker realized he needed to take him out…
2. Why would Stryker dispatch Agent Zero to kill Wolverine, yet not give him the adamatium gun that is sitting on his desk?
Because Agent Zero was his best agent and Stryker thought that he could take out Wolverine…besides would you give away your last best hope of self defense against an ememy to someone that might screw up?
3. Why did Wolverine walk away from Stryker in the lab without “gutting” him, which was his stated purpose at the beginning of the scene?
For the same reason he thought twice about everything…he didn’t want to become the animal…and everything that just happened with his “dead” girlfriend was sort of overwhelming…
4. How did Wolverine get his jacket back from the Island? His brain had been blown out, and he wasn’t wearing it when he was shot. So how did he remember it when he left?
That one got me there…haha kudos for noticing that…
5. Why is Cyclops in this movie? He obviously would have known something about a guy with claws rescuing all of them from the Island, yet in the later movies he knows nothing at all about him.
He was in this movie because Stryker was trying to create the ultimate mutant killing machine and he wanted to give him another power…and if you remember any scene that had them both in it Cyclops had a metal plate on his eyes and never really saw him. Something easily forgotten perhaps?
6. If Wolverine’s girlfriend has powers of persuasion, why doesn’t she use those powers to stop Stryker in the first place and save her sister? Or when she’s lying on the ground dying, why doesn’t she convince Stryker to pick her up and take her to the lab to save her life??
Maybe she never got close enough to him before because he knew of her power. After Wolverine just got shot in the head she probably thought she had nothing left to live for…
7. Why did Sabretooth feel the need to kill his only blood relative??? And then he changes his mind for no apparent reason at the end. Why??
Sabretooth wanted him dead because Stryker and Sabretooth had a deal if Sabretooth did take out Wolverine, Sabretooth was going to get the adamantium, and he was more of a vicious animal by that point in the movie that human. Sabretooth helped because even though he didn’t like Wolverine he didn’t want the abomination of a mutant they made to be on the loose.
8. Why is this screenplay so episodic and idiotic? Plot points exist only to cram mutant encounters into it, like the clumsy segues into The Blob and Gambit scenes.
Every encounter had a purpose in trying to find out what was going on. Wolverine was more detective like in this movie than he had been. He was trying to find out where Sabretooth was and then what the “island” was and what Stryker was doing.
9. Why does almost every mutant battle in this movie begin with two combatants running at each other? It might be marginally exciting the first time; after ten times, it becomes a joke.
In melee combat that easiest way to get to a person 20-30 ft away is umm well run at them. And don’t forget the Sabretooth and Wolverine battles were meant to look like wild animals fighting, at least in some metaphoric respects.
10. Why does a movie that cost $140 million dollars have special effects that look like they were made on an Apple 2E in 1983? The Gambit/ladder special effect is now my nominee for worst special effect of this decade. Prove me wrong.
And again…kudos…Wolverine chopping up the ladder was like stuffing “Tron” or “The Last Starfighter” digital effects into the movie…
You do make good points but in my opinion you were obviously in a bad mood or a little overly critical of the movie before you even bought your ticket. I’m even mad at the fact that they completely ruined the merc with the mouth…weapon XI are you screwing with me? Deadpool was the shit as a super agile merc with a cocky attitude and was fine as that…not some super mutant slaying abomination…the bad aside it wasn’t as bad as you seem to think in the majority of the viewing audiences eyes…just look at the box office numbers…
Maybe try and enjoy the movie for what it was…entertaining…take it easy Mr. Ray DeRousse…and take a small sabbatical to cool off maybe…
@ Lencho – It could be argued that the film itself WAS a video game. It’s basically a series of fights between different mutants. All that was missing was the word “FIGHT!” appearing before each encounter.
@ Hemy – Yes, I realize that Cyclops was blindfolded. However, you don’t think that he would wonder who got them out of that place?? Wouldn’t the other mutants be talking about that mutant that got away after saving them??
@ Tim – If you read both my early review of the film and my review of the real release, I think you’ll find that I was mor ethan nice to the film. I wasn’t in a bad mood at all. As this article points out, it’s those lingering things that cause a shift in my criticism of this movie.
As to your “corrections”, let me add this:
“Well that’s easy…he was going to erase his memory but he woke up and went on a rampage…so Stryker realized he needed to take him out…”
( oh really? Then why not simply erase his memory at the beginning? In fact, Stryker is the one who told Wolverine to “become the animal.” If he knew he was dangerous enough to have made adamantium bullets to kill him, then why not start by making him more docile?)
“Because Agent Zero was his best agent and Stryker thought that he could take out Wolverine…besides would you give away your last best hope of self defense against an ememy to someone that might screw up?”
(Stryker should know that Wolverine was not capable of being killed by a bullet, so he should have known that Agent Zero would have no effect on the guy … especially not without those bullets sitting on his desk. That brings up another problem – why did Agent Zero, the best shot in the world, shoot the old man and woman directly, but couldn’t put one bullet in his actual target as he was sitting in th barn right next to them???? STUPID)
“He was in this movie because Stryker was trying to create the ultimate mutant killing machine and he wanted to give him another power…and if you remember any scene that had them both in it Cyclops had a metal plate on his eyes and never really saw him. Something easily forgotten perhaps?”
(I realize that Cyclops never saw Wolverine … and I understand about the powers thing … but see my above comment to Hemy regarding this)
“Maybe she never got close enough to him before because he knew of her power. After Wolverine just got shot in the head she probably thought she had nothing left to live for…”
(This is just speculation that is not borne out by the actual movie. In fact, we see her standing around in the lab freely, unlike the other mutants who are caged!!! She apparently had opportunities to influence both Sabretooth and Stryker. As for the “nothing to live for” comment, I guess that’s the motivation. Who knows. But I’d imagine that she would know about his powers of regeneration, so I’m surprised that she’d give up that easily on the guy.)
“In melee combat that easiest way to get to a person 20-30 ft away is umm well run at them. And don’t forget the Sabretooth and Wolverine battles were meant to look like wild animals fighting, at least in some metaphoric respects.”
(I understand that they’re supposed to look like wild animals fighting, and much of the fighting works in this movie. But I think the filmmakers thought it looked cool to have the characters stare at each other, growl, and then run at each other …. so they did it every single time. However, it just starts to look like a joke after a while.)
I appreciate the nonhostile response to my original post. For your corrections of my corrections…even though I was just kinda giving answers to your questions…ok I see your points on those. I hadn’t read your other articles, and I appologize for that then. As with every movie that eminates from another medium its always going to have some problems…just like the death of Cyclops in the third X-men…Other than that I did enjoy your article…
Good work Ray, we need to keep working on exposing just why this is so lame. To my mind your best point relates to the cost: why did it cost so much?? AND, more importantly, to all those who say it’s ‘just entertainment’ and that we shouldn’t worry about the many flaws, why do you think it’s OK that something that’s ‘just entertainment’ should waste $140m? If you pay for a steak and get a hamburger, you should be pissed off!
@ Tim – Thanks :)
@ Michael Edwards – Excellent analogy. I think the film cost that much because everyone at FOX took a piece of the pie long before it hit theaters, which was ensured of recouping its money. So all of the middle men got their cut, Rothman got his cut, Jackman, Ryan Reynolds, Stewart, Will.I.Am, and all the rest got their cut, and everybody went home satiated before a frame was ever exposed on it. The paltry amount left over went for the crappy CGI, which could not compete with the effects from JURASSIC PARK of fifteen years ago.
Sad.
And some how this shitty movie has already made $85 million at the BO???
And not two month ago watchmen was poorly received????
@ Michael Edwards – I think I would add this, also … because everyone got paid so well right from the start, nobody was HUNGRY enough to make sure the film was well made from the script stage through post production. They all had their money in their safe and secure bank accounts, so they lazily slapped this together and sent it out into theaters to make its money back. Pretty cynical.
I couldn’t get over the cgi when wolverine was in the bathroom at the farm house after he first got his claws and was scratching them together just kind of looked cartoonish. The ladder thing I can get past. As for the cyclops thing… maybe hes just some young punk kid at the time and didn’t care you saved him as long as his skin was saved or maybe he was more worried about the voice in his head :) however you are right there are a lot of loop holes and it was pretty much slapped together to get money, although some parts were entertaining and it was nice to see his past on screen.
Honestly, all these complaints are so obvious…
The characters running at each other in every fight scene is clearly a homage to the opening titles of the X-Men cartoon…and Prof X clearly wiped Cyclops’ memory! To, ah…to prevent Anakin realising his children were alive, er, yeah…
On a more serious note, I thought the adamantium bullet thing wasn’t necessarily something Stryker was sure about, more just a crazy idea his Doctor friend had. Remember, the effect it’ll have changed from killing him to just wiping his memories – not exactly the ultimate ultimate weapon. As to Zero, maybe he was only ever meant to slow Wolverine down? Stryker was typed up as being cold enough to do something like that.
The Deadpool thing did suck, though. It would have been better to keep him as the witty guy, preferably with some kind of self-referantial awareness of being in a film as in the comics.
@ Ray – Hahaha. Too true. I still think they should’ve shown more about the relationship between Sabertooth and Wolverine. Show a more natural progression of how Sabertooth embraced the animal to eventually become that simple minded beast in X1 while we see Wolverine struggle to keep it in. Then, just use his memory loss as a way to fix his problem and just become a guy who wants to find out who he is. Something like that.
yo Ray, good job in response to Tim, I was about to do the same thing…I have another point I’d like to drive home and a couple questions…
about Cyclops being in the movie and Tim’s response to creating the ultimate weapon…
Deadpool, to my knowledge, never had Cyclops’ powers or swords coming out of his arms or the ability to morph like the blacked eye pea, so all of that is pointless to me. Deadpool is a bad ass with duel guns and duel samurai swords in the comics…not some mash up of other people’s powers. Also, his mouth is sealed shut, how do you explain his nickname that he’s known for…”The Merc’ with the Mouth”.
second, did anyone count how many times Wolverine screams at the sky?
third…I don’t like to start rumors but did they get the animator from Who Framed Roger Rabbit to do Wolverine’s claws?
fourth…aw fuck it, this movie is just a mess, i’ve spent too much time ripping this turd since i saw it last friday…
I hope Star Trek is better. We’ll see Friday…
@ Parker – In regards to Deadpool, I think it’s apparent that the producers didn’t really care about this character and his history in the comics. They simply wanted to create an “ultimate weapon” for the finale, so they bastardized Deadpool. I’m sure that the sealed mouth was used to disguise the fact that it wasn’t Ryan Reynolds playing him in those final scenes.
I’m sure STAR TREK is a much better film.
So… Victor Creed is supposed to be the same Sabertooth that fights Wolverine in the first X-Men film?
Also, I actually CAN beat your example of the ‘worse effect of the decade’… DIGITAL PATRICK STEWART = POOP. That was one of the worst pieces of CGI I’ve ever seen.
The cgi patrick Stewart sucked, but I don’t think it was worse than the ladder effect. I actually laughed out loud at that.
I totally agree with your #1. I found that insane. He spends million to make him indestructable and three seconds later he’s trying to kill him. That is LAZY writing. I actually started laughing at the screen it was so bad.
chuck