This week in 2004 the International Court of Justice passed a ruling declaring the West Bank security barrier illegal under international law – four years on and there are no signs that Israel will recognise the court’s decision, and continues to build unabated. In the same week as the anniversary, Israeli PM Ehud Almert has stepped down as leader of Israel’s Kadima party amid a corruption scandal, and on the other side of the barrier fresh fighting has broken out between Fatah and Hamas. With no end in sight to the fighting, and much needed education on both sides, as well as here in the west, which bastion of academic rigour will endeavour to  provide insight, edification, and perhaps even a little humanity to this desperate political situation? Adam “Uplifting Retard” Sandler will, that’s who.

Sandler plays Zohan Dvir – one of Mossad’s top agents, who has had enough of being everyone’s hero and just wants to pack his Uzis and become a hairdresser. Seeing no other way out, Zohan fakes his own death, and moves to America to become the next Nicky Clarke.

Arriving in the US with a bag packed only with hairmousse and dreams, Zohan embarks on a series of unsuccessful try-outs for salons (mostly because his stylings are influenced from fashions circa 1984), but eventually gets a break as a cleaner at Dalia’s salon. Dalia, ironically enough, is Palestinian.

As Zohan’s hairdressing skills blossom, so does his relationship with Dalia, and everything seems to be coming up roses. Unfortunately, Zohan is still being followed by his arch nemesis The Phantom – a Palestinian terrorist who, with his team of hapless sidekicks, is forever coming up with hairbrained schemes to kill the Zohan. Will Zohan save the day, get the girl, and reconcile the Israelies and Palestinians?

Of course films should, by and large, be judged on their own terms, and to judge an Adam Sandler as a piece of political commentary is tantamount to dismissing Schlinder’s List because it didn’t have any gags. And had this film, as it no doubt was in Sandler and Apatow’s head (shame on you Judd Apatow), been a politically incorrect, laugh-a-minute, but ultimately feel-good film, then it might have worked fine.

Unfortunately for them, and even worse for those watching, the film almost always fails on all counts but the first. And without the other two to justify it, the result is pretty nauseating. When there is a passable low-brow joke which works (of which there are a couple), the audience will suspend judgment and go along for the ride. Hummus has all of its comic potential exhausted, there’s a pretty hilarious montage which sees the Zohan servicing Dalia’s elderly female clientelle, and the script even provides a couple of giggles (“Are you bionic? No, I only like the girls.”)

But between these irrelevant funnies, Zohan has to deal with some pretty grave inconveniences: characters, dialogue, narrative and acting. All of which are atrocious, often embarrassing and, in a new move for Sandler, often quite offensive. Asking people to laugh as a Palestinian soldier falls to his death screaming “Your ancestors never set foot in this land!”, is pretty distasteful to anyone with the most cursory knowledge of middle eastern politics. Some might call it satire, but I really think that would be too generous.

Throw in some Razzie worth cameos from Mariah Carey and John McEnroe, and this film gives you just about everything that’s wrong with Adam Sandler films, and very little that’s right.

So if you thought that Mr Deeds was a hoot, then expect more of the same from You Don’t Mess With The Zohan. For those readers who have not recently enjoyed a very large spliff or a rather aggressive frontal lobotomy, may I suggest that you stay far, far away.