George Lucas is no longer an artist. George Lucas is no longer human. He has mutated into some sort of living embodiment of cinematic evil. He is now Charles Foster Kane, all alone in his Xanadu, relentlessly collecting the wealth of the world. He is Anakin Skywalker, reaching out for power and riches and achieving nothing but his own demise. He is the shark in JAWS, a remorseless eating machine with the intention of devouring everything within his grasp. He is devoid of logic, emotion, and remorse. He is unstoppable.
If there was a God in heaven, the fourth movie in this series would be called INDIANA JONES AND THE SKYWALKER RANCH OF SOUL-SNATCHING COMMERCIALIZATION. The film would culminate in Indy choking Lucas to death with a STAR WARS figurine as they wrestle over his Avid.
This new collection inspires such hyperbole. The three previous Indiana Jones films have been repackaged in time for the release of number four. The sole purpose of this set is to make millons of dollars, and forcing the fans to blindly pony up for an incomplete collection that will need to be refurbished yet again a mere six months later. Lucas learned this type of brash marketing plan with the STAR WARS films, which were repackaged so many times that the names of the Lucasfilm marketing team members now appear in the credits to the fucking films.
But surely the extras in this collection warrant a purchase, right? RIGHT????
THE FILMS
INDIANA JONES AND THE RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
That’s right, kids. Georgie went back and re-titled the 1981 classic. Yep, just like STAR WARS.
The film is known by most sentient human beings on the planet. It’s the perfect blend of adventure, mysticism, and deft humor. HARRISON FORD achieves immortality in this, his greatest performance. He’s surrounded by an incredible cast of unforgettable characters, all of which perfectly capture the nuanced cadences of the magnificent LAWRENCE KASDAN screenplay. Director STEVEN SPIELBERG has rarely been better, especially considering that this is his least overbearing shoot. Even Lucas himself shines with this production, which showcases the last creative ideas of his career; a few months later, the Ewoks were created.
THE EXTRAS
The best extras of the collection appear on this disc. We have an introduction to the film by Spielberg and Lucas. Following that is a nice retrospective of the Indiana Jones Trilogy. Most tellingly, almost all of the interviews for this documentary come from the cast of the new film, INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL. If there’s one place that Shia LeBeouf does NOT belong, it’s on this collection … but there he is, babbling on about a movie that came out while he was swimming up his mother’s fallopian tubes. Awesome.
Besides that, there’s a neat little behind-the-scenes look at the making of the melting face effect seen at the end of the movie. And that’s about it, folks.
INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM
Widely regarded as the weakest of the three films, DOOM follows Indy on an adventure to retrieve a sacred stone from a psychotic voodoo priest. He is accompanied by two of the most annoying sidekicks ever conceived in modern adventure movies: a stereotypical Chinese kid retardedly-named SHORT ROUND (and played with hyperactive, squeaky-voiced intensity by KE HUY QUAN), and a conceited, screaming harpy played by the thankfully-retired KATE CAPSHAW.
The movie is violent, ugly, and mostly devoid of engagement and fun. The set pieces here are ridiculously over-the-top and strain credulity. The villain is both silly and lame. Even though the film boasts another great performance from FORD and a wonderfully icky moment inside a booby-trapped room, almost everything else feels forced and mean-spirited.
But one thing truly ruins this film – they lost sight of the adventure itself. RAIDERS had a terrific quest – find the lost ark of the covenant. Throughout the film, Indy is skeptical of any mystical powers associated with the artifact; to him, it’s simply a treasure to be discovered and preserved. We see glimpses of power emanating from it, but we never see its full glory until the climax. Even then, it’s not played as something goofy, humorous, or trivial; this is the hand of God himself, and Indy is humbled by the experience with it. Here, on the other hand, is a quest to find a stone that becomes powerful when it’s combined with two other stones. They glow sometimes, and they also get tossed around like eggs. The entire extravaganza is silly and contrived, lacking the awe and magesty of the previous film’s desired object. In fact, two of the stones are lost at the end, leaving only one and negating the entire point of the adventure.
EXTRAS
Almost nothing on this disc. There’s another intro by Spielberg and Lucas. A pointless look at the creepy crawlies of the Indy films. Storyboards of the mine car chase. Yipee.
INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE
The third film adds a lot of backstory to the Indy character. We see a long introduction starring the late RIVER PHOENIX in a nice cameo as a young Indiana Jones and his first adventure. We get to meet Indy’s father, Dr. Jones Sr., played with sparkling fire by SEAN CONNERY. And we also get to see many of Indy’s faithful friends join in the adventure, including Sallah (JOHN RYS-DAVIES) and Dr. Marcus Brody (DENHOLM ELLIOTT). We also have the worst Indy woman in tow, played with vapid transparency by ALISON DOODY.
The film is largely a comedy, jettisoning any hint of realism in order to milk the marvelous chemistry between Ford and Connery. The only worthwhile chase in the film – a series trademark – involves a tank, and even that is very contrived and strangely inert. The hunt here is equally ridiculous, a ham-handed quest to find the Holy Grail. It involves lots of obvious father/son bonding moments. It also unfortunately involves a very literal 700 year old guard and a very hokey last act that clumsily closes the film. The only thing missing from this movie is Indy stepping in shit and yelling out, “Poodoo!” I almost expected to see it digitally inserted by the Lucasfilm stormtroopers.
Like the previous film in the series, this film takes the wrong elements seriously while making slapstick comedy out of everything else. Instead of feeling like an inventive adventure film with a brain – in other words, like RAIDERS – these two films feel forced and endlessly silly instead of transporting.
EXTRAS
Nothing worth mentioning. Another intro. A meandering look at the women in Indy’s life. A look at Indy’s friends and enemies. More storyboards. YAWN.
OVERALL
This is an absolute no-no for anyone interested in these films. Not only does this collection provide very little new material; it will also be an obsolete collection in a mere two weeks with the release of the new film. DO NOT line the already deep pockets of Lucas and his heirs by purchasing this. Wait for the inevitable deluxe version in a few months, one that actually provides some worthwhile extras that justify the cash outlay.
And shame on you George for trying to steal from the fans of this series.
The entire collection:
18 Comments
Dude, you have no soul. You’re assesment of the sequels is way off. You are the weakest link, goodbye.
Huh… I just don’t get this release. There is already a trilogy available, and it even has a bonus disc. It’s a great boxset in my opinion, but this new one is just a ridiculous money grabbing attempt. It is even packaged worse than my original http://www.amazon.co.uk/Indiana-Jones-Trilogy-DVD-Box/dp/B00009ZWAB/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1211097417&sr=8-2
I have to disagree, though, with your views on THE LAST CRUSADE. It’s easily the most enjoyable of all 3 movies.
Now I already put you in your place with the Hulk and Now it looks like this will be the same battle.
I understand that you’re pissed at Lucus, But you actually have the balls to chastise three of the greatest films that the world has ever seen. Of course they’re gonna release the films again, just like Die hard, Jurassic park, and terminator. It’s all about the Extra Commentary and the Money. But to Fucking beat up on short-round, the fucking awesomeist sidekick ever, and saying how mucked up the Temple of Doom was (not my favorite of the three but still). And the &00 year old guard is supposed to ignite a majesty in the whole secret grail hiding thing. If your gonna get pissed off at George Lucas than get in line, But never under any circumstances do you have the right to Rip on Indiana Jones. He’s A fucking foundation block of American culture.
Look, guys … the films are entertaining in varying degrees. Ford is brilliant in all of them. But to say that TEMPLE OF DOOM and LAST CRUSADE are anywhere near the genius of the first film is ludicrous. RAIDERS had depth and an effortless, enthusiastic energy that the other two are missing entirely.
Like this new film, the second and third films exist solely to capitalize on the phenomenon and make Lucas, Spielberg, and Ford very, very rich.
I agree Raiders is the better cinematic achievement, but bar none the most enjoyable and one I can watch over and over is The Last Crusade. You can’t buy chemistry like what Connery and Ford had, plus the opening is a great addition to the Indy character and I love the transition from River Phoenix getting the hat placed on his head to Ford on that boat looking up with the hat on.
It had comedy, adventure, and a bad ass ending in the trials Indy had to go to in order to get to the grail. The ride off into the sunset scene was classic, and I don’t care what anyone says it’s my favorite Indy film.
lol like any commercial film doesn’t do that anyway – Duh!
Sorry I disagree, no one sets out to make a bad film (even though the end result is often the case)
I saw Indy 3 at the opening night in Lecs Square at the Empire back in 1989 I believe it was and it was an awesome event and the audience loved it. While I agree that The Temple Of Doom wasn’t the best, all three movies are still great entertainment, nothing more or less. If you want realism, lol, go elsewhere. There isn’t any realism in Raiders (How does Indy get on the submarine? when all hatches would already be locked and secured for diving stations – Duh1) But we don’t care because its escapism. Your point on the box set is totally valid, I thought WTF? When I saw it being advertised.
I think I’m starting to hate George Lucas,I think he would make a great politician.
Hilarious stuff again Ray! Though I disagree with you about the sequels (c’mon! Short Round rocks!), I also don’t see the point (beyond cashing in on hype at the time of Indy IV’s release) of repackaging the films from the 80s when they’re already in a nifty DVD boxset.
George Lucas = Charles Foster Kane? Skywalker Ranch = Xandadu? You may have something there…
Lucas is eeevil, please … He is not evil, he is just a greedy bastard that, by the way, has created two of the most wonderful franchises in movie history. And just for that I forgive him for turn to the darkside of capitalism. Sometimes movie critics take to seriously their job … I know that movies are artistic expresions and the critics try to analyse films as art… but damn!!! We are talking about Indiana Jones not some documentary about global warming or the holocaust. It’s good enterteinment … If I want to see a piece of art then I rent The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, wich is awesome … But when I think of Indy I just want to have some fun, and so far the three movies have give me that, a lots of fun.
LOVED the first one (though I’m no Indy uber-fanatic like some irrational folks obivously are–face it, the fucking franchise isn’t THAT great!) liked the beginning of the second one, didn’t like the third.
And with She-male LeBoof in this one there’s nothing to like about the new one. The guy doesn’t look like any child of Indy’s. And can you see an outrageously charasmatic and powerful alpha-male like Harrison followed by a scrawny, UN-charasmatic, punk kid, who resembles a transvestite more than a man (alpha male or otherwise).
Lucas and Spielberg jumped the shark on this one.
@ Lance – a little note: the submarine does not descend beneath the water during its journey to the Nazi cave on the island. They clearly show that.
There is not, however, anything STUPID in RAIDERS despite the fact that it deals with the supernatural. The minecar leaping over the chasm and back onto the track in TEMPLE is just plain dumb; it strains credulity. The idiotic tunnels filled with gasoline and rats in CRUSADE make no sense, especially since Indy is carrying a fucking torch around in it.
RAIDERS was the very best kind of escapism – fun, adventurous, and exciting, while still somewhat believable. The other two were played for laughs at the expense of the Indy character and his journeys.
Jeffrey Wells of Hollywoodelsewhere.com, in his review for the new Indy film, touches on the exact thing I am talking about with the sequels:
It’s a superficial thrill ride, this movie — more of an out-and-out comedy with thrills than a solid adventure thriller with sly, wink-wink humor, which is how I always regarded Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Flashback to initial iPhone Indy 4 review written from salle de press conference while being shoved and elbowed by photographers, about an hour ago: My ideal version of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull would be (a) just as beautifully shot, choreographed and CGI’ed as the film everyone just saw, but (b) grittier, snarlier and with a stronger investment in good old classic machismo. Alas, Spielberg & Co. have decided, as far as (b) is concerned, on a lighter, more frolicsome tone — lots of eye-filling thrills and acrobatic derring-do but with an almost cartoonish emphasis on slapstick goofery. The tone is a little less “classic Indy” and a little more (this dates me, I realize) Tom and Jerry.
Raiders was about a tough-guy archeologist; this latest installment is a family film — about Dad, Mom and Junior (i.e., Shia LeBouf’s “Mutt”) — with a very family-friendly, fun-time-at-Magic-Mountain tone.”
This release of the discs was actually beneficial to me because this was the first time they were sold separately. I always wanted Raiders, but never wanted to own the other two. So you can guess I agree with your assessments of the movies.
I definitely think the sequels shaved away the most complex parts of the character from the original, turning him from someone out for personal pride and glory into a generic heroic figure.
I’m skipping the latest movie, which I feel was done to cash in on nostalgia. I also keep wondering what more interesting movie Spielberg could have made instead of this. Lucas, on the other hand, I’m used to putting out soulless crap for a quick buck.
Wow, Ray, I agreed with the “reviews” up until you hit Temple Of Doom. What the hell?
Losing two of the stones didn’t negate the quest – the quest was to retrieve the ONE stone that was stolen from the village, which they did. The other two were there to show the reason it was stolen (and save Indy’s skin at the end), nothing more. And how the hell can you review Temple Of Doom without mentioning the minecar chase – still one of the most exciting action scenes of the 80s – let alone the dinner scene and rope bridge climax, all great setpieces (and I do enjoy the temple stuff as well). Yes, the film’s messy, the sidekicks annoying, it’s overly brutal and the lesser of the trilogy but one star? Really?
As for Last Crusade, I saw this again on TV last week and to my kind it’s still almost as perfect as Raiders. There’s a nice quest, Doody’s slightly weak performance (though fantastic compared to Capshaw) is overcome by magnificent chemistry from Ford and Connery, the supporting cast is almost perfect and though the script does falter a little after the grail is retrieved, everything up until then is great. Yes, there’s a greater reliance on comedy but it mainly works. The movie is serious when it needs to be and most of the action sequences are great.
As to your comment above regarding nothing “stupid” in Raiders – well depends on your ability to suspend disbelief. If you think about it, the whole treasure room setup in Raiders is stupid, especially the big ball. Indy manages to get out of trouble more than once by sheer blind luck (the kids who rush in to stop him being shot, the monkey who eats the poisoned date), while it can be argued that Indy didn’t even need to do anything to win the day – the Nazis would have died when the ark was opened even if Indy had stayed in bed. At least Indy managed to make a difference to the outcomes of the last 2 movies.
That’s not to detract from the movie – it’s still an absolute classic – but if you’re going to apply brutal logic to the last 2 movies, Raiders is by no means less vulnerable to that same criticism.
For me: Raiders ***** Temple Of Doom *** 1/2 Last Crusade **** 1/2
I’ll reserve judgement of Crystal Skull until I’ve seen it a couple of times to digest it – probably on DVD. But, from your comments above I’m guessing that the Lucas changes to Darabont’s script are the cause of the lighter tone and “Tom and Jerry” elements. I wonder if those are present in Darabont’s original draft that everyone but Lucas loved…
By the way, I also wouldn’t call Raiders Lucas’ last creative gasp. Whatever you think of the Ewoks, Jedi still holds up as a great movie even if it’s the lesser of the original trilogy – the Sarlaac pit sequence (Boba Fett’s stupid death notwithstanding), the forest chase, the final space battle and Luke’s confrontation of Vader and the Emperor are all classic moments of cinema.
Oops.. I said one star for Temple, but you actually gave it 2 1/2.. my mistake though my other comments still count. In fact, possibly more so – you honestly think there so little difference between Temple and Crusade that they only get separated by half a star? To my mind, there’s a gulf of difference…
@ aphexbr – Between DOOM and CRUSADE, I do think CRUSADE is the superior film … but not by much. What CRUSADE lacks in terms of classic INDY moments (wild action sequences, amazing escapes) it more than makes up for in humor and heart.
I agree that DOOM has some terrific set pieces … ON PAPER. The mine car chase that you mention is certainly well put together and well edited. However, the action scenes in it and CRUSADE tend to lean toward jokey and ludicrously unbelievable. I mean, the mine car LEAPS over the chasm and lands squarely on the rails on the other side. DUMB. I understand that the film is escapist fare, but c’mon … RAIDERS wasn’t DUMB or CHILDISH in that way. NOT EVER.
You also mention JEDI as evidence of Lucas’ still-effective creativity. Let’s see … the Death Star climax is a cold rehash of the climax of STAR WARS. Boba Fett’s death ends with a belch. The Ewoks are merely midget Wookiees. And on and on and on.
To me, JEDI’s one redeeming factor is the Darth Vader storyline, which is so powerfully presented that it succeeds despite Mark Hamill’s catatonic performance. It also helps tremendously that Ian McDiarmid happened to be cast as the Emperor, because his performance in that film carries the last half. The one truly genius thing that Lucas came up with for JEDI was the speeder bike chase through the forest. While it’s illogical, it’s certainly spectacular.
But even then, I think about those damn Ewoks, or the whole brother/sister thing, or Kenobi walking around the Dagobah forest, and I just cringe.
What an inane review but let’s be honest, this site is full of them, these films including the 4th one are brilliant, all have been massive box office successes. George Lucas is a genius, he created indy not to mention Star Wars, both massive successes which have never been surpassed.
Words cannot describe what a muppet you are!!!
Taz, you’re the one with Lucas’ hand up your ass … So who is the Muppet here?
By the way, “massive box office success” does not equate to great filmmaking. If you thought Indy 4 was even PASSABLE filmmaking, then you need to take a film class at your local community college. Once you get out of junior high school, that is.